beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
