She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
