from now on my penis is your penis
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize