I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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