Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
