She is in my trunk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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