remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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