Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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