i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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