So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
