We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize