That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
