I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
