So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize