Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
