Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
