i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
