I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
