in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
