You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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