I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
