ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
