im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize