i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I love you. Go after that dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
