I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
