god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
