help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
