I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
