im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
