I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
