Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
