I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
