We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Congratulations! We have a period
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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