Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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