sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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