I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
