uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
