no, he came in my armpit
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
