i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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