I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
