I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
