She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
