I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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