So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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