Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
