he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
