Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
