Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize