You're my little dorito
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
