The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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