I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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