she was so not down for the gang bang
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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