Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
