My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So vagazzling was a success
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
