I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
