I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
