I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So vagazzling was a success
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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