I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Randomize
