drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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