am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
