i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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