i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
