Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
