if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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