Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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