Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
