Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
