I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize