I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
