Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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