absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
