You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
