last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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