you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
