I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
