there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
