I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
And then he peed in my hair
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
