I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
