I cockslap morals
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
