You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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