I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
