as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
