chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
