it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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