this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
