THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
