I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
