I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
