you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish you could order shots online.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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