I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
